Studying personality theories is a bitch. There are too many and they are all conflicting if not diametrically opposed. As an example we have B.F. Skinner who believes what we are formed only by our environment and George Herbert Mead who argues we become who we are through the meaning that we put into our actions. To Erving Goffman our personality is merely a series of roles we choose to present to the world, whereas Raymon Cattell believes there is a stable core to our personality.
I could go on*, but I guess you get the picture.

This is why I bring to you a personality theory that is comprehensible even to normal people: The pirate-ninja theory. A theory which is based on these three propositions:

# You can have a pirate-personality or a ninja-personality.
# Your mental health relies solely on the fact that you know what you are
# and whether or not you accept this as the platform on which you can build your life.

The pirate personality: Pirates are bombastic, strong and slightly off-colour. They love life and they are very passionate about what they do. They are proud, they are loud and they are not discrete. They are very sociable and it’s important for them to be around others.

The ninja personality: A ninja is silent and stealthy, but very powerful. Much unlike pirates ninjas are elegant and contained; they are spiritual beings. Ninjas are very skilled and proficient, and they must work hard and be focused to excel. Ninjas are not social beings, but prefer to work alone or with people they truly trust.

In my humble opinion this personality theory is awesome due to two things, 1) that it’s very easy to over-look and 2) that it doesn’t judge your values, but simply states that people aren’t the same – not that some are better than others.

So now, let me have it. What are you? A ninja or a pirate? Or is this theory just stupid? (No, I didn’t think so) ..Do you have any other characteristics that suits the pirate or the ninja? Or do you have a third type of person that I haven’t thought of (no you don’t, right? This theory is absolute..)

Hopefully you’re not asking which side I am on..

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* No I can’t, I don’t know shit about this.

1. Do not sprint down the stairs like it’s judgement day – there’s is another one coming in ten minutes and you look like an idiot (especially if you do not make it).
2. Give up your seat to the old, the handicapped and the pregnant. When you get up you do not make eye contact with anybody – you will look like you are only doing it to show how great you are. You do NOT get up because someone is a woman. That is just stupid (and offending).
3. People who talk on their cell phone are the most annoying thing known to man, so if possible avoid it totally. If that is not possible take your important call somewhere where it disturbs as few as possible and make sure you don’t yell into the phone. Just because there is some guy in the other end of the train who might not be able to hear what you say it doesn’t mean the person on the other end of the line can’t.
4. For God’s sake – do NOT talk about your sex life. Not on the phone, not with your friends. You might not care if strangers hear intimate details about your personal life, but I don’t want to hear it and the 75-year-old woman with her grandson definitely do not want to hear it.
5. When the bus/train/metro/subway stops you get out quickly. There are people behind you who’d like to keep moving, so get out of the way!
6. If you are on the train and you see one of those poor suckers in a dead sprint toward the closing doors (not you, you are too cool for that) hold the doors. Just fucking hold the doors.

1. Do it to live up to others expectations / for the approval / because it’s “the right things to do”
2. Do it for the money / the benefits / other kind of material gain
3. Do it because you saw it on TV / everyone else is doing it
4. Do it because it’s the safest / easiest thing to do
5. Do it because you’ve always done it / you’re afraid
6. Do it because it doesn’t really matter anyway

I think that’s it. Bullet-proof, I’ll tell you that. I really wanted to write ‘don’t listen when you’re thinking “there must be more to life than this”’, but it didn’t really fit in. Very important though.